And Now For Something Completely Different

Last night I was at my friend’s apartment watching CCTV (Chinese national cable) when something completely out of the ordinary appeared on screen. It wasn’t Spongebob in Mandarin or a reality show in which contestants blow up balloon animals that they have to guide through an elaborate obstacle course to maintain their family’s honor. It was a man – a husband – washing dishes. And he wasn’t doing it as a joke, or confusedly with a powertool – and he wasn’t doing just one dish either. He was doing a mountain of dishes and he was fittingly perturbed at his dish soap’s lack of cleaning power. So who comes to the rescue? His son. With more powerful dish soap, not a football. I can’t understand Mandarin, but his facial expression didn’t seem to say, "No problem, dad! Anything to help you recover from your testicle-removal operation," the kind of in-the-absence-of-a-wife-explanation I might think necessary for American audiences. And after the perfunctory video illustration that proved "with just one drop, you can remove all grease from every dish, ever!" the father and son were excited at having successfully washed the dishes. And then an alien burst out of the drain and ripped off the father’s face, revealing him to be nothing more than an elaborate costume worn by Kate Gosselin.

Just kidding!


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